Magic Mushrooms Saved My Life :)

If you know me you know I love to talk about psychedelic experiences. It intrigued me after my first adventure. It took me out of a significant depressive state - to the most positive life I could possibly live. Over the years of examining my first trip, and going through numerous others, I’ve gathered information about how these mushrooms can enhance our lives. It’s not for everyone, and I will always say that. But for those that are willing to delve into the unknown. I want to share with you my story. It will tell you how mushrooms have lead me to unimaginable possibilities.

My Depression

Severely depressed with no end in sight. That was me 7 years ago. The hole I dug myself was so deep that the only way to continue was to keep digging down. I do want to say that I never considered suicide, but who knows had I continued down that road. My cousin (my brother), the only person on the planet who I was comfortable sharing the content of my depression with. Telling me one day, “listen man you need to just do some mushrooms”. I looked at him like he was clinically insane. I’ve never smoked weed or done an illegal drug, and this guy wants me to take PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS. What a nut-job. A few weeks passed in the summer of 2016 and I was getting worse by the day. I might have been getting to my breaking point, I was desperate to feel better. I was incredibly depressed everyday, wasting my life doing nothing. I said fuck it. I told him I’m ready. I’m ready to try anything. I submit.

It was a Saturday night, I walked into my cousin’s house and told him tonight’s the night. I’m going to try them with him and another one of our cousins who joined us, but does not know the contents of my depression. He recommended 2 grams. I took roughly 3.5. He thought I was nuts. This is too much for a first time user with severe depression. I was always and still am an incredibly brave person, I’m not really scared of anything. Not even death. I welcome it. I repeatedly tell my close friends that I would like to die young. But this bravery of taking a little more than recommended gave me, might have been what saved my life.

The Trip

The first half of the trip (3 hours) was the worst time of my life. Paranoid as fuck, screaming at my cousins to stop judging me. Tripping out as we all watched tv, but their eyes staring at me the whole time. I vividly remember asking them to stop staring at me, they insisted they weren’t. And trust me they weren’t, I was just a first time mushroom user. Walking past them to the bathroom I remember feeling their eyes judging me, thinking I’m a fucking idiot for taking too many. But this wasn’t the case, it was all in my head. I tell them I need to go downstairs and spend time alone away from them. Their response - “Hey man go ahead, do what you need to do”. But for some reason I was unable to leave them. We were all in this together. I continued into the kitchen, my hand turned into a cat’s paw and I was walking around like a zombie hitting random things. I was scared shitless, I was losing my mind. What the fuck was happening to me. I had to go lay down. And this is where it all happened. I laid down and closed my eyes, where you can see way more when taking this magical medicine. I started to have an incredible trip. I started shaking and bawling my eyes out. I’ve never cried like this - my face was a pool from the tears I was shedding. I was scared as fuck, the only things that were crossing my mind were what my parents and my two sisters were to think of me if they knew I did mushrooms tonight. I let them down from the years of promising my parents I wouldn’t do drugs. Every emotion was visible on my face in a split second - Anger, sadness, excitement, happiness etc.. If you mimic those facial expressions, that’s what I was experiencing all within a split second, while having waterfalls run down both my cheeks. I remember specifically my second cousin who didn’t know about me asking my other cousin - “Should we help him?”. He says “No, he needs this just leave him”. And that’s when I started crying more. Eyes closed, twitching in every direction - A miracle happened. A dark ball of energy came out of my soul, similar to the eye of Sauron on one of the towers in Lord of the Rings. This negative energy came out of my soul and hovered above me for roughly 10 seconds while I was going through a world of emotions. I was scared to fuck. This darkness hovered above me for a while as I battled my inner demons, and finally vanished into the night, leaving my soul forever.

I jumped up, wiping the tears away with both my hands with a smile on my face. My cousins look at me in shock, “Hey man are you ok wtf just happened”. I started screaming - “THE CRAZIEST THING JUST HAPPENED TO ME, THIS FUCKING THING JUST CAME OUT OF ME AND JUST LEFT” I couldn’t really explain more than that I was so excited. But with a smile on my face, I sat there like I just went to war. This was right at the halfway point of my trip. 3 hours of the “worst” experience ever. Now I put worst in quotations because this is what people consider a bad trip. We’ll get into that later. The next 3 hours were magical. I’ve never laughed so much in my life, my sides were hurting, my cheeks were sore from laughter. This is what people advertise mushrooms as, a fun experience full of laughter. But it came with a cost. The cost was going to war with my demons. It was worth it.

The Aftermath

Waking up the next day was insane. I had hope in my life. I had positive thoughts for the first time in years. The hope I gained from this mushroom trip changed my life. This experience saved my life. My life gradually got better since then. Yes I still experience sadness, and not everyday is the best day ever. But the trend started going upward, which is what I needed. I started loving everything and everyone. I started taking care of plants, I decided to go back to school, I found a love for art, but most importantly, it left me wondering how many people don’t know about this. I’ve wrote almost all my essays in school on the power of psychedelics. And plan to continue on in a Master’s program to study the effects of psychedelics on people who are suffering from anxiety and depression. I have goals. And that’s the most important part. 7 years since taking these things I would’ve never guessed I would own a place downtown Ottawa doing what I love everyday. I know the mushrooms enacted a chemical reaction in my brain and in a sense, brought it back to life. My brain was re-wired when I took these, it jump-started my brain to succeed. I was able to view situations from different perspectives.

Now this experience is considered a “bad trip”. But I want to tell you there is no such thing as a bad trip. I could have come out of that experience telling myself that was terrible and would scar me forever. But I found meaning. You can always turn a negative into a positive, even in your day-to-day. But that dark ball of energy leaving my soul was the negative energy that consumed me everyday. And I’m telling you that if it wasn’t for my cousin, and the help of these mushrooms. I would not be writing this right now. Actually, I might not even be here today.

If you have the time let me know what you guys think! Love the feedback :))